Workouts
The Kirby Workout
Nov
Discuss this post in RPG FitGroup!
Game: All Kirby games. Smash Bros. Cameos everywhere
Archetype: God
Class: God
“It’d leave you feeling like a pink blob lying on the floor by the end of it.” – Isaac Denbo
“Little dude has the power to throw peeps out of the atmosphere at escape velocity and can fly fast enough to escape the event horizon of a black hole.” – Dan Wallace
“Look upon his Works, ye Mighty, and Despair” – Masahiro Sakurai, Probably
“Who’s Kirby? Behind the flabby façade: A physical powerhouse! A street fighter! A weapon’s expert! He’s whatever the situation demands… He’s cute but, if you cross him, then he’s one tough cream puff.” – Video Game Commercial Guy
Kirby is potentially the strongest video game character ever created. He’s definitely the strongest character in Nintendo’s roster, at least. Don’t believe me? Put some respect on his name. Not enough for you? Check out his entry in the exhaustively researched science and physics journal, “Death Battle.”
Real talk though, even if you don’t quite buy everything in the above links, Kirby by far has the best power to weight ratio of probably any fictional character we’ve ever covered here on the blog (yes, even Goku – consider that Kirby basically weighs as much as your average balloon, but he punched a hole in a moon.) This workout is going to be absolutely ridiculous. You’re going to need to eat and sleep a lot in order to properly recover, so keep that in mind. General nutrition and body recomposition articles are as follows:
General Nutrition Info:
Lose Weight, Burn Fat:
Build Muscle, Bulk Up:
Before and After Workout Programs:
Buckle up, cupcake. It’s going to be a wild ride from here on in.
Note: This workout is designed to easily plug into the RPG Fitness workout system. Use the weight standards for “The Juggernaut Workout.”
Strength:
Equipment Required:
Style: Station – Perform all sets of an exercise before moving on to the next exercise. Rest 1-3 minutes between sets.
Workout A:
5×3-5 Back Squats
4×8 Deadlifts SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Bulgarian Split Squats
4×8 Goblet Squats SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Standing Barbell Twists
4×20 Calf Bounces
Workout B:
5×3-5 Bench Press
4×8 Barbell Rows SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Incline Press (Barbell or Dumbbells)
4×8 Weighted Ring Rows SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Weighted Incline Push Ups
4×8 Hanging Knee Raises/Leg Raises/Toes-To-Bar
Workout C:
5×3-5 Deadlifts
4×8 Barbell Push Press SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Hammer Grip Pull Ups (weighted when you need it)
4×8 Hang Cleans SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Dumbbell Strict Press
4×8 Front Squats SUPERSET WITH
4×8 Romanian Deadlifts
Strength Notes:
Kirby is terrifyingly strong. A single blow from his fist has punched holes in planetoids and moons, accelerated meteorites to super-light speeds, and murdered gods. He’s thrown multiple objects and beings many times his size out of the atmosphere, and often put them into orbit around other planets. We cannot begin to match this strength as mere mortals, but this workout should get you as close as a human is able.
Every workout starts with an extremely heavy workout set. If you can do five sets of five for the exercise, you’re going too light. You don’t want to fail on a rep, but you should be getting to rep 3 on your last set and saying, “yeah, if I go for 4 I won’t make it, so I’m going to stop now.) If you can’t get at least three reps on that last set, though, you’re going too heavy.
The workout then proceeds to a bunch of supporting exercises for that main lift, or compounds to hit other areas of your body. Workout A is primarily legs, Workout B is back and chest, Workout C is Back, Shoulders, and Lower Posterior Chain. All weights should be such that you can finish the sets/reps recommended, but just barely (one or two reps left in the tank when you’re done.) Supersets are designed to maximize efficiency and keep your muscle compliments balanced for total-body strength and coordination.
Cardio
Style: Circuit – Perform an exercise, move on to the next exercise, continue until all exercises are performed once. Rest and repeat as specified.
3 minutes Heavy Bag Work
3 minutes Weapon Drills
30 seconds Battle Ropes OR Kettlebell Swings
Rest 30-60 seconds
Repeat 3-6 times
Cardio Notes:
Kirby isn’t really a long distance runner, nor is he particularly fast unless he’s on his warp star or has a particular power he’s absorbed. He is, however, an indestructible space warrior. So, we’re going to fight a lot. Bag work is your preference, I’d recommend kickboxing. Weapon drills are also your preference, but Kirby has a penchant for one handed blades and stuff so I’d recommend a lot of one handed pell work.
Schedule:
Day 1: Workout A
Day 2: Cardio
Day 3: Workout B
Day 4: Rest
Day 5: Workout C
Day 6: Cardio
Day 7: Rest
Schedule Notes:
Get a lot of sleep, and eat a lot of food. It’s how Kirby lives, and it’s how you should live, too, if you’re following the Kirby workout program.
That’s it! I hope you enjoy it! Come at me with that pink marshmallow of doom hate if you want, I’ll enumerate for you explicitly why Kirby is the strongest and you’re wrong. <3
See you again on Monday!
Daredevil next?
i really really like this one. thank you so much