Name: Duke Nukem
Games(s): The Duke Nukem series
- Extremely Strong
- Proficient In All Forms of Weaponry
- Skilled with a jet pack
- The Mighty Boot
Hail to the king, baby! Duke Nukem is quite possibly one of the most iconic characters of the 90s video game scene. Starring in several increasingly successful games and sequels, Duke then became a legend of another kind when the much anticipate Duke Nukem Forever was indefinitely suspended, ending up going on a winding 14 year development cycle between multiple publishers and developing houses before finally being released. Unfortunately, the long development time didn’t treat him well, and it seems as though Duke needs to catch up to the times a bit, at least in terms of mechanics, but hey, like every great 90s action hero, he can always relive the glory days, eh?
Let’s start off by saying Duke is an asshole. He’s the hero of the world, but he’s also a chauvinistic, testosterone-laden, womanizing, macho man. Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’m going to tell you right now that these posts are going to be a celebration of the ridiculous character that he is. I should hope if you’re a reader of this blog you should know by now that these views don’t represent me, but holy crap do they make for an amusing character, so let’s suspend our rationality and morality for a bit and just live with the awesomeness that is a hyper-male existing in a world of exploding alien guts, ridiculous guns, and strippers.
In the Duke Nukem workout, we’re going to be building big muscles, big strength, and big kicks with The Mighty Boot. You’re going to need a weight set for this, and we’re going to be lifting for big gains and big power. I strongly recommend coupling this with The Big Guy diet, your macho muscles are gonna need a lot of food!
In the skills of Duke Nukem, we’re going to check out jet packs, talk about ridiculous guns, and explore the mechanics of a proper front kick(particularly one executed with steel toed boots).
In the Swagger of Duke Nukem we’re not going to delve into a deep psychological analysis of Duke, like we would with normal characters. Hell no, that’s sissy crap. Instead, we’re going to talk about how to be a proper ladies man, how to confront massive enemy aliens, and how you should properly react when the world is exploding around you.
Stay tuned, Nuke-fans, this is gonna be one hell of a fun ride, as we properly celebrate the ridiculousness of 90s male video game machismo. Bitchin’!!
Dan “DaRatmastah” Wallace
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