Character Breakdown: Donkey Kong

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Character Breakdown: Donkey Kong
The Donkey Kong Workout
The Skills of Donkey Kong
The Philosophy of Donkey Kong

Name: Donkey Kong
Games: Donkey Kong, Donkey Kong Junior, Donkey Kong 3,  Donkey Kong Country 1/2/3, Donkey Kong Land 1/2/3, Donkey Kong 64, Super Smash Brothers 64/melee/brawl, Donkey Konga, Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, Donkey Kong King of Swing, Donkey Kong Jungle Climber,  Donkey Kong Country Returns.
Skills/Attributes:

• Raw Strength
• Agility
• Tenacity
• Loyalty
• Happy-Go-Lucky Attitude
• Simple Minded
• Strong Combatant

Summary: Donkey Kong, the second character in our lineup!  Donkey Kong is an old, old face in gaming, as old as Mario’s in fact.  Mario wouldn’t be around if he didn’t have Donkey Kong as his first antagonist, after all, the first game he appeared in, Donkey Kong was the one the game was named for.  Mario was just the little guy you played as named “Jumpman!”

So let’s take a little look at DK.  First of all, he’s build like a truck.  The dude is jacked, and he exhibits this by being the general “powerhouse” of the Donkey Kong game crew.  He smashes objects out of the ground, throws barrels and kegs around like they’re made of styrofoam, and beats the snot out of anyone standing in between him and his friends(or his bananas).  As such, we’re gonna probably be looking at a good powerlifting regimen to get big and beefy like the big ape himself.

Though big and strong, DK is also pretty agile.  He swings from vines, balances on rolling kegs, leaps from treetop to treetop, and is a generally capable individual.  While last week we looked at the basic parkour roll as our intro to parkour, this week we’re going to take a look at some general agility drills, as well as maybe some basic gymnastics.

Donkey Kong is tenacious and loyal.  No matter how many times his bananas get taken, he doesn’t say, “Well screw this!” and switch to eating apples or something.  He goes after them, gets them back, and stomps all over anyone that gets in his face along the way.  He’s also extremely loyal to his family members.  DK is a family man through and through, still listening to his grandpa even though he’s a crotchety old asshole, and keeping in touch with his grandma even though she’s dead.  He’s a regular patron of his family’s businesses(Funky, Swanky, yadda yadda), and is often saving his nephew Diddy’s butt as well.

It should be worth noting, by the way, that Cranky Kong is supposed to be the original Donkey Kong from the old NES/Arcade games.  We’re going to be dealing mostly with the new DK and considering them one and the same, which, while not canon, makes my life a bit easier 😛

Lastly, we’ve got his laid-back, simple, easygoing personality.  Donkey Kong is a pretty chill dude when people aren’t breaking and entering his house and kidnapping his relatives.  We’re going to take a look at the virtues of a simple life, the judgement of when to leap into action and when to let the world pass you by.

So yeah, that’s what’s on tap for the next few days, peeps.  I think we’re gonna have a good time with the gorilla, eh?

Now, it’s on like…oh hell no, that would be too corny.  Go away, come back tomorrow.

Dan “DaRatmastah” Wallace

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